my enlightenment

This is a piece I wrote a few months back for “Pop my cherry.com”, I hope they won’t mind me reproducing it here!

When I was twenty, I had finished my first lot of studies & started my 1st job in a hospital in London. After finishing at college I moved back in with my parents & did the daily commute across the capital to work. I had also been dating this guy for nigh on 7 months & things were getting serious, although I should add that the relationship was tempestuous to say the least! We had frequent rows & fell out regularly but always made up within a day or two & usually involving passionate lovemaking. However on this particular occasion we had a HUGE argument & said some pretty horrible stuff to each other & he basically blew me out.
I waited for the inevitable phone call of apology, but it didn’t come. A week, then two went by & I became quite miserable. However my friends talked me out of calling him as they felt A: it was his fault (as usual) & B: I was best rid of him! I then entered what I call my “all men are bastards” phase & got on with my life with my friends. But I still missed him a bit & occasionally became thoughtful! My friends decided that what I needed was a girly night out. The three of us decided to go straight from work that Friday evening & a fourth was going to join us, a girl called Sue who I had met before at a couple of parties. I liked her, we had much in common, she was a bit older than the rest of us at 25 but she mixed in very well.
The evening didn’t go quite to plan, but in a nice way! We meant to have an Italian (meal, that is!) then go to a night club, but the meal, the service, the waiter (v dishy!) made us stay in the restaurant way too long so we didn’t get to the club. Sadly, the time for us to make our separate ways home came too soon, we all had late night public transport to negotiate, so we headed to the nearest tube station. It was then that Sue had the idea of us all going back to her place, she lived alone in an apartment in suburbia, my two usual friends had either husband or dog to get home to so declined, but I was up for it ( a quick phone call to my parents was in order as they still felt that at 20 I was not to be trusted on my own in London!!! I woke them, which didn’t help my cause!).
We got to her place around 12:30 am & she promptly cracked open a bottle of red wine.
We chatted & laughed until well gone 1 am, when she asked me what sort of sleeping arrangements I preferred. Now, I was more than happy to share a bed with her as her sofa was a strict 2 seater, so I asked to borrow a nighty as I didn’t want to sleep in the underwear I had been wearing since 7:30 am the previous day then go home in it later!! She informed me she didn’t have a nighty as she preferred to sleep naked but she thought she had an old kaftan somewhere I could borrow & went off in search. While she rummaged about in the airing cupboard I nosed around in her record collection, which was a mistake. She had similar tastes to my ex & that made me maudlin. When she emerged with the kaftan she found me a bit dewy eyed & she came over to me & said “whatever’s wrong?” I told her what was going through my mind & she put an arm round my shoulder, which promptly set me off! She cuddled me & kissed my forehead & I just put my arms around her as it felt so comforting. When I was over that bit of emotion, we got ready for bed (she put on a baggy Tshirt to spare my feelings, but it was barely long enough to cover her adequately, she had to keep her arms down!!). We got into bed & she switched the light off. She then asked me if I was ok in hushed tones & started to comb my hair with her fingers to relax me, something I love, though how she knew that was beyond me, intuition I guess!
After a while she stopped & I felt her snuggle down under the duvet. Now this bit will sound like the script from a cheesy porn movie, it just goes to show that life sometimes imitates art! I reached out behind me (i was lying on my side with my back to her) with the intention of squeezing her hand to say thank you, but what I actually found was the top of her exposed thigh & a handful of pubic hair! I pulled my hand away & stammered an embarrassed apology, to which I got an unexpected reply of “Pitty, I thought my luck was in”. Now, I didn’t know if Sue was serious or just kidding to defuse a potentially embarrassing situation! Up to this point, my experience of intimate contact with another girl was limited to the typical experimental teenage fumblings of a 13/14 year old. A girl at the end of my street & I had indulged a bit of “show me yours & I’ll show you mine” that subsequently spilled over into ” let me touch yours & I’ll let you touch mine”. All very innocent & very enjoyable, but it could hardly be described as sex! Yes, it fuelled my masturbatory fantasies for a while & it did sow a seed that took until this night to germinate. However, here in bed with Sue I contemplated sex with another woman for the first time. I just needed to know if she was serious.
I turned over to look at her face to try & get a clue but the room was in darkness, the only light was from a streetlamp outside that was getting in through a gap in the curtains. Sue’s wonderful intuition came into play here, she raised herself up a bit & gently kissed me on the mouth. Nothing passionate, just a lovely kiss with closed lips. But as she did so, she raised her free hand & softly caressed my cheek. That was the signal I wanted. I returned her kiss & this time our lips parted. My arousal was instantaneous, evidenced by that warm, oily slick sensation in my loins. She sat up & discarded her Tshirt, I had to get out of bed to remove the more cumbersome kaftan & as I did so, Sue got out of bed & went over to the window to open the curtains. That provided a wonderful, warm glow in the room, very sensual!
We got back into bed & our hands were all over each other’s bodies, however, Sue was clearly the experienced party in this clinch, so I just let her take charge. She seemed to take ages to reach the part I desperately wanted her to get to! But when she did, it was divine. My arousal was such that her fingers just seemed to glide into me. I didn’t need to guide her at all, she knew exactly how to touch me, she played me like I was a musical instrument in the hands of a maestro. When she moved down my body, I realised she was about to go down on me. Her tongue weaved magic on my clitoris, within minutes I was on my way to a shattering climax. I know I came, but she just took it in her stride.
Having pleasured me to such a satisfying conclusion, she came back up the bed & kissed me again, before cuddling in to me. I felt that I had to reciprocate & took my turn to explore her more intimately, it was gratifying to discover that she was as aroused me. I used the techniques on her that I would have used on myself & they seemed to work! She squirmed & writhed to my touch pushing herself down onto my hand. I slid down her front until my cheek was resting on her pubic hair, all the while working my fingers inside her. She obligingly raised her knees so that her legs fell naturally apart & I took my first taste of another woman. I was mildly surprised to discover that she tasted broadly the same as me. Not being in any way knowledgeable, I just tried to replicate the tongue strokes she had used on me & while the soft gasps & sighs suggested she was enjoying my efforts, I couldn’t be certain if she climaxed! At some point she just tensed up then relaxed noticeably, but she made no noise, unlike me!
I moved back up & propped myself up on one elbow & she kissed me then snuggled down as if to go to sleep. Sleep, however, was the LAST thing on mt mind! My mind was racing, I wanted to talk to her about what had just happened, but she just drifted off. I was left to think about my feelings, my sexuality, my future even! Not the best way to get to sleep, but eventually I must have gone off, because I was woken by the sensation of movement next to me as Sue got out of bed to close the curtains as it was now daylight but I’ve no idea what time. She got back into bed quietly & I guess we both must have gone back to sleep. I woke again & found my watch, it was gone mid-day this time & I got up, found the discarded kaftan & went to the bathroom. After emptying my bladder I flushed, put the kaftan back on & crept into the kitchen to make some tea. While I waited for the kettle to boil & daydreamed about the night’s events & was startled when I heard a whispered “hi” as Sue popped her head round the door on her way to the bathroom. She came into the kitchen (still naked!) after she had peed & asked me if I was coming back to bed. I carried the two mugs of tea back into the bedroom to find Sue sat up in bed with the duvet up to her waist so I handed her a mug & sat myself on the bed next to her. I was feeling a bit vulnerable I suppose, so I kept the kaftan on, but Sue was clearly feeling full of the joys of spring & in a good mood. I was comparatively quiet & pensive, staring into my mug of tea, so Sue used that razor sharp intuition yet again & said” come onJools, what’s eating you?”
I replied “Since you ask, I’m trying to come to terms with what happened last night. Don’t misunderstand me, I really wanted to do what we did once it dawned on me where things were going. It’s just that in the cold light of day I don’t know what to make of it”
What she said next had a profound influence on my outlook on life.
“Why try to analyse it, I think I can safely say we both enjoyed what we did, we are just two people who happened to enjoy each other’s bodies last night, nothing more. You haven’t become a lesbian overnight, ok, I’m (meaning her) bisexual & you (meaning me) have probably got bisexual tendencies, but what we did was something we both needed, you probably more than me. That’s all. It may happen again, it may not, but just think, you’ll have something really interesting to tell the grandchildren!”
And with that, it became so much clearer to me, Her pragmatic wisdom put it all into perspective.
She then said “I’m going to run a bath for the two of us”
“Why, do we smell?” I tried to joke! She got back out of bed &(still naked!) went into the bathroom & I heard her turn on the taps & the bathtub start to fill. She popped her head back round the bedroom door & said ” keep an eye on the water & choose a bubble bath, there’s a selection on the shelf. I’m starving, fancy some toast?” I nodded yes & went to the bathroom.
When the bath was ready I lowered myself into it & lay back in the hot water, relaxing more now that things were straight in my mind. After a few minutes Sue appeared with a tray of hot buttered toast & fresh mugs of tea. As we munched our way through breakfast we talked about what plans we had for the rest of the weekend, it was as if nothing unusual had happened the night before, just a normal conversation between two friends. When she had finished, Sue got me to slide forward in the tub & she sat on the edge of the bath with her feet in the water & washed my back for me. I got out & dried myself off as Sue got into the tub after me. I draped the towel over a radiator & sat on the edge of the tub (feet outside though) to return the favour & washed her back. After, we made our way back to the bedroom, I retrieved my clothes, Sue took over the kaftan!
My leaving was a bit awkward, I felt that what we had shared the night before warranted something more passionate than the peck on the cheek we exchanged, yet why? It’s not as if we were going to be in anything more involved than a friendship after all. Her last words were “stop thinking about it & just enjoy it!”
But the walk to the underground station went just a bit better, my step had a spring to it!

There is an apendix to this, the following Saturday, Colin (the “bastard”) phoned & pleaded with me to give our relationship another go. Foolishly, I did and 9 months later we got married. My friends, including Sue were there, she was with a guy. With hindsight that marriage was a mistake, by 1981 we were separated. Sue announced in 1978 that she was moving to Scotland with her man, I got Christmas cards from her for two years then we lost touch. I will always be grateful for her wisdom & tenderness, she taught me more than she realises.