Sorry for not being around much lately….

…but after the euphoria & joy of my tantric massage a few weeks ago, something happened that brought me back to earth with a massive bump. I’m afraid that blogging about my sexlife or even commenting on other blogs has not been high on my agenda.
I have a couple of things I need to get my head round but as soon as I feel up to it I will be back.
Until then, please bear with me.

Tuesday update: OK, It will probably do me good to write about this so here goes, about ten days ago I bumped into a friend while out shopping who said to me “have you heard about C (a mutual friend that I particularly like), it’s just too awful?” I hadn’t heard so asked her what had happened to C, the reply made my blood run cold, it was any mother’s worst nightmare.
I rushed round to see C, her husband answered the door & beckoned me in. Their son, the same age as our own eldest boy, had been killed in a stupid accident that morning during the early hours. C was in a state of despair & shock that made me feel weak at the knees. He had gone up to the midlands the day before, C had not had the chance to say goodbye to him as he was still in bed when she left for work, he was visiting an old university chum who was getting engaged. A group of them had gone out together to celebrate, somehow he got separated from the rest of the group, CCTV footage picked him up outside the nightclub at one in the morning, twenty minutes later he was hit by a truck on the M69, some four miles from the nightclub. He died instantly.
This truly shocked me to the core. But when I went to the funeral last weekend, even I wasn’t prepared for what I saw and the effect it had on me. C was a destroyed woman, her grief was unbelievable. I’m afraid it has affected me as I keep thinking “there but for the grace of God, go I”. No mother should have to bury her only son, it is not in the natural order of things. I think it will take a long time for me to get over this, but that is nothing compared to what C is going through now.


3 responses to “Sorry for not being around much lately….

  1. I have experienced a lot of loss and death in my life…nothing, however compared to my mom. While it was my sister who died at two, it was her daughter, while it was my aunt who slit her own throat, it was my mom’s sis. While it was my uncle who slowly killed himself with booze, it was my mom’s baby brother she watched painfully died…you get the picture.

    Although it did take me a longtime to get over each of these losses, it nearly destroyed my mom. You may remember a post I wrote about my mom nearly killing herself through starvation recently? She was a day or two away from dying…it was awful…

    If I have learned anything from these experiences, it’s that healing from grief, especially the shocking and sudden kind such as ‘C” has recently experienced…the only things that heals is time. I would love to tell you that there is some magic cure that will speed the process. Unfortunately not.

    The only thing I have found to be truly effective is, when the individual is ready, taking them into a space in their mind through hypnosis where they are able to speak to their loved one. Your friend must find a way to say good bye, but only when she is ready, which may not be for a very long time….

    As for your healing…the biggest challenge beyond the loss is the fear. The oh my gosh, life is so impermanent. Once again, I can’t bullshit today gone tomorrow rings true..I have seen it so much not only in my own life, but in the lvies of my friends, family and clients. What I will genlty remind you is this; your life is precious…take time to breathe, to love, and have give yourself permission to let go into a ball of tears.

    But when you emerge from your teary space, book another massage, go to the spa, or take your own child out for lunch and live! I remember when my baby sister died…I went back to school and I was so incredibly shocked and royally pissed off because my whole school was just going on even though my little sis was dead.

    What I learned was….you have no choice but to let go and move on…whatever you do, don’t give in to the fear and despair…find your own path for grieving and try to find moments of pure bliss and immerse yourself in bliss for as long as your mind will permit you…I am sending you a blast of positive energy this moment…

    From my heart to yours with the utmost respect….Joy

  2. Thank you so much for this reply Joy, I’m afraid it started me crying again, but this is very cathartic.
    You may be interested to know that Phil & I made love this morning. The first time in over 3 weeks that I have felt any pleasure. Actually, it was not planned, we woke at roughly the same time and he had an erection. I felt it would be nice for him if I brought him to a climax by hand, he hadn’t come for so long that I felt a bit sorry for him. But as I pleasured him, I was amazed to find that I was getting aroused too! The net result was much better than I could have hoped for. Ok, he came a bit too soon (hardly surprising) but he has this knack of knowing just what I need and he did something unbelievably intimate, he went down on me despite the presence of his own bodily fluids down there and that was the catalyst that tipped me over the edge.
    I feel that I am getting through this period of sadness and despondency, I know I must be sensible about all this, but as a mother too, I’m certain that you will understand how someone else’s loss can be felt just as much as if it was your own.
    Thank you for your input, I hope that this reply isn’t too graphic for you, but I feel better for telling you about today’s events!

  3. No worries….I have been a sex coach for some time now, so have witnessed first hand the warmth and connection of two people making love while I guide them through the process. Not much could be too graphic for me! I am so happy to know that you are transforming your emotions! YAY!

    From my heart to yours, Joy

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